***THIS IS THE TRANSCRIPTION OF ERIN'S EX-LAX STORY AS TOLD ON HOW IN THE HELL DID I GET HERE? on FEBRUARY 14, 2019
Listen here: http://bit.ly/HITHepisodes
So I will start it off with this. I tend to get backed up when I travel like the pipes just stop working and I was no different than this trip.
So maybe two or three days in, I'm feeling uncomfortable, to say the least, and we were staying in a timeshare at that point. So our sister Skye, and her family were sitting in one room and we were in another and I'm feeling really, really, really, really uncomfortable.
And so we, I think I made my then-husband or as my grandson would say, my old husband goes get me some ex-lax. So I think, actually I think we both went and it came in this package and it looked like a candy bar. It was like two inches by two inches and I get back to the room and this was like probably eight or nine o'clock at night and I just happened to be though poor, unfortunate soul who opened it up from the bottom.
I read the directions first and it said, it said eat…. wait, I'm going to tell you what I thought it said. Eat One Wafer.
It didn't actually say that in retrospect.
Okay, so I ate the wafer. So yes, it was one candy bar and as I was eating I was thinking this is not that bad... I can do this. It tastes like chocolate!
Somehow I saved the wrapper and it just happened to be next to the toilet for all the "quality" times there later. Oh my God! It said gentle, effective relief! I'm sorry… that’s not what was happening... I was shitting gravel by the 10th time that I was on the toilet!
Don't do this! Read the label and don't open it upside down!!
But desperate times. Anyway, I ate it, I went to bed and then the rumbling began probably two hours later. I think I spent all night on the toliet. It felt like all night. And literally I had nothing left in me. I mean, it was bad. It hurt so bad.
And that is when the next morning I was on the toilet for what I prayed was the last time and I happen to pick up the wrapper and I read it again and it says: Eat one wafer. Right.
THERE WERE 18 WAFERS!
I panicked. I panicked. And I'm like, oh my God, I need to go to the emergency room. I literally panicked and thought, I'm going to die because I just ate 18!!!!
Well I didn't die obviously, but like three hours later stuck in the middle of this row of peopl that was probably 50 people at Sea World, my stomach started doing the rumbles and the sounds! Think Dumb and Dumber.
So the moral of this story is read the label, open it from the top.